Discouragement=Perseverance

I don't imagine there is anyone fully alive who has not felt discouraged. The word discourage is defined as to deprive of courage, hope or confidence. Phrases such as, "it's not worth it," I can't", "I give up," I've failed," are standard. None of us is a complete stranger to feelings of hopelessness. It is ussually because we feel disappointed or trapped or have lost our sense of direction and hope for the future.

Discouragement is a very human attribute. We need not censure ourselves for feeling it. But it is important to know that no matter what the circunstances that have brought us to this point, they are not insurmountable. The world is full of possibilities, there is hope. Even the most successful and happiest people can tell you about having spent time questioning themselves, their values and their abilities. But they have never lost the capacity to hope.

There is a man whom we all know. His history goes as follows: twice he failed in business. He run for the state legislature and for congress twice and failed. He was defeated twice in Senate races. He worked hard to become Vice President of the United States with no success. The woman he loved died when she was very young. Eventually he suffered a nervous breakdown. Through all of this he has the self-knowledge and strength to overcome adversity, continue with life and become president. His name, of course, is Abraham Lincoln.

We are inspired by such a message. Bur we are not all Lincolns. Still, there is much to be learned by his example and the examples of other survivors. Because something goes wrong does not mean that it's the end of the world. In fact, it may be the challenge we need to awaken us to our strengths. The real dilema is feeling that there is no way to turn, no place to go, no one to help us. What is important to remember is that thare are many solutions to every problem. we are not perfect and may make mistakes but all things come to an end. Armed with this knowledge we are half way to a solution.

There were many times in my life that could have been devastating for me and my entire family. Times when i lost my job, when there was no money even for bare necessities, when things truly looked hopeless. In soite of, or perhaps especialy because of, those times, never allowed myself  and my family to lose our sense of humor, sense of self, or the assurance that we'd find a way. Somehow we always did.

I was fortunate to have learned this early in life. I know after experiencing discouragement, the first thing I try to do is keep in mind that nothing last forever, that only I can decide what I can do to make things batter. With this  hope and faith in the future I'm off and running, again seeking new solutions.

I believe that the truly healthy person is the one who has the greatest number of alternatives for any behavior. We are limited only by our willingness to discover those alternatives. Let's say that we find ourselves in tears. There is nothing wrong with tears. They often sharpen our ability to see. We then need to ask ourselves is crying forever is what we want to do. If not, we must consider what else we can possibly do to help ourselves and solve our problem.

We can consider possible alternatives. It may be helpful to find what others have done in similar situations. with a list of alternatives in hand, we will feel less trapped and more in a position to decide what is best for us.

Finaly comes the greatest step: We must do something. In action comes true knowledge and a wonderful sense of freedom. We are never really trapped. Discouragement at times seems inescapable. But, to remain in this state is a waste of time, energy and life. We can learn to put discouragement aside. When we do, we can get on with life.

Passion for a Better World

Too often our sensibilities are assaulted and bludgeoned by all that seems bad in the world - the T.V. bulletins of the day's horrors, the full, graphic story we get by watching the eleven o'clock news.

Why do we allow ugliness to assume such overriding importance in our lives? If we don't cast it out with determination, it will surely blind us to all the bright reality around us. If only we could step out of our perceptual traps and see that beauty and goodness comprise at least an equal part of what there is. What a miracle would unfold in this world of negativity if we all subscribed to this one simple idea!

What would be do without our dreams? how would we get through even one day without them?

Of course, I'm told that healthy individuals face reality head on, that to live with illusions is a very dangerous thing, that the world is a serious business and doesn't have room for dreamers. Well, I don't believe it. it's not a problem as long as we know the difference between illusion and dellusion.

for many of us, reality can frequently be a bit too real. In fact, we are often tossed about y the whims of an incomprehensible, often cruel reality. We may be forced to face poverty, danger, illness, impending death, lack of love, loneliness-the list seems endless. Illusions can be great help in handling these situations.

All of us live with illusions. They abound in places like Atlantic City or Las Vegas. I'm not referring to professional or compulsive gamblers, just the thousands of individuals sitting hopefully, hour after hour, at the one-armed-bandits, dreaming of hitting the jackpot. We know full well that the odds are against us, but we're sure the prize is just one more nickel, dime, quarter or dollar away. When asked why we do it, we say that it's just a form of recreation, that gambling is fun. But in the back of our minds is the newspaper story about the person who last year hit the million dollars jackpot. So we stay in the noisy, sometimes smoky room and try to stick it out. No real harm done-in fact, we are quite ready to do the same on our next visit.

It is often the hope of finding that certain someone that keeps the single people going to special bars, church socials, community events. Without these activities, which suggest that someone may be waiting at the very next turn, they might never break free from their past. That kind of illusion can't be too wrong.

I have a good friend who has a terminal illness. Not long ago she was told that his condition would worsen progressively. She had a dream, not a delusion, that getting back to his friends, family, job and old lifestyle would give him the additional moment he needed for life. So far he's been right, much to the amazement of his physicians.

I can't even imagine a world without those dreamers who have the feeling that things will be better tomorrow. With that feeling comes a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy and causes us to work actively to make things better.

I'm not suggesting that we all start living an illusion, but it's an interested psychological finding that one hundred per cent realists are often among the most depressed person in society. I'll take healthy illusions any day. If our dreams cause us to become active seekers and partakers of life, setting up the necessary contingencies for making things happen, than they can be positive forces which are conductive to happiness and growth.

We might learn a lesson from Snow White. She dreamed that someday her Prince would come. But in the meantime, in place of moping around, she had a good life with the Seven Dwarf!

A Passion for Joy

The pursuit of happiness is perhaps our most basic drive. It is even mentioned in the United State Declaration of Independence. How we pursue it, and even how we define it, varies from person to person. Perhaps what makes it so elusive is our problem in not only not knowing how to obtain it, but how to keep it around.

our highest spirits can be so quickly conquered by adversity.

The well-known writer William S. Burroughs once stated in an interview that for him, happiness is a by-product of "function, purpose and conflict; that those who seek happiness for itself seek victory without war".

Ancient Egyptians believed that upon their death they would be asked by the god Osiris two questions and their answers would determine whether they could continue their journey in the afterlife. The first question was, "Did you bring joy?" The second was, "Did you find joy?" These goals then became a sacred charge in life and the only way to obtain eternal happiness.

These are questions no less vital today than they were in ancient Egypt. They are ones we must continually ask ourselves. Most of us have our own strong sense of purpose to celebrate life and spread all the joy we can.

Think of the happiest people you know. They're the ones who seem to be able to find joy everywhere. If we study these people very closely and analyze just how they do it, we may find some answers far simpler than we would have believed. We've heard them before:

"There's good in every person. It's up to me to bring it out".

"There's a light side of everything if you look for it."

"I see each new day as a challenge. What I make of it is up to me."

Our search for happiness and our capacity to bring it to others leads us back to ourselves, for we start by finding joy in ourselves. The inner joy we develop becomes the wellspring from which we draw to use in every encounter.

I am amazed at the human capacity to find joy even in the harshest extremes, the cruelest of fates, the stories of people with broken bodies, whose spirits remain high. We admire their courage but seldom consider the profound example they provide for all of us, especially those of us who hide behind despair and hopelessness.

As a coach, I always encourage my pupils to keep a journal as a record of their innermost thoughts and feelings. Occasionally I ask that they show them to me for our discussion. I've noticed a tendency in them to emphasize the negative in life. There are the "Oh, woe is me," stories. The "Life is miserable, boring, depressing, confusing, unfair, cruel, etc.,etc." stories. Each day seems to be a test of endurance rather than an adventure.

"Why don't you write of the joy in your life?. I ask them. "It's really your choice."

The answer is always that the bad things just seemed to have more impact than the good things. They seem to take joy for granted. Their problems touch them more deeply than their moments of joy. That notion is perhaps what inspired a study done few years ago to determine the dominant mood of currently popular songs. The finding revealed that about three-fourth of the songs dealt with pain and anguish of love. You know the type:

      "You broke my heart, I'm so alone,

       all day long, I sit and moan."

Or a current favorite, "Love is a battlefield." (Whatever happened to "Love is a Many-Splendored Thing"?

Soap operas so frequently capture this spirit with their unending tales of sorrow and affliction. People say that their soaps help them endure their own problems. but we need more out of life than just physical ease and freedom from care. our goldfish has that.

The happiness in life that we all seek so often involves what we give to others. Ancient Egyptians understood that finding joy in life and bringing it to others were one and the same. It is as Louis Mann once wrote, that " happiness is a perfume which you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself."